The weekend was spent on research after research, I have no idea how much time I would have spent on the computer. I am a CPA and this is the busiest time of the year of us. People in my office were way more than understanding. I went in on Saturday and cleared my desk, I was not sure when I would go back.
Various fear ranged from the fear we all have, what is we lose the child that I feel kicking every single day, what else can I do to make it alright, if I don’t have this child I never want ever to have another child and then that leads to absolute meltdown that my lovely son Avy who is such an attached soul and who adores this baby in my tummy maybe sibling less. Also when you have an older kid the issue of what do you tell a three year old if something bad happens.
I then started reading all the blogs I could find of fellow CDH moms I could find the success stories inspired us and the stories of all those angels who couldn’t make it made us terrified. But one thing was sure no parent was ever sorry that they fought for their little one, and so we decided to fight.
Babies who have CDH sometimes also have other accompanying ailments- about 30% have heart defect and about 15-25% of them have related chromosomal abnormalities. So the next step for the following week was seeing specialists to rule out all these.
All weekend was spent between crying, trying to have a normal face for Avy whose world is just perfect and trying to get a grasp on the situation. Everytime Avy talked about his baby brother it was the most painful thing in the world. This whole process is almost grieving, grieving that life as you planned is not going to happen and not only that we are about to bring a baby into this world whose life at best starts with surgery.