All set for the induction on Fri as this baby suddenly seems to have settled in and has no intention of coming out and I prefer it that way.
Avy , Ajit and in laws left Sunday night and this time I broke down crying more. Probably because I had been on edge all weekend and the reality of the journey we are going to start on is sinking in. He could be in the NICU for 2-3 months and it means our family is seperated so much and it breaks my heart.
I used all the energy I had left to do big school supply shopping for Avy. He is starting a new class on Wednesday at his pre school and to make them feel like “Big Kids” they now have a supply list, weekly homework etc. I am missing his first day and it breaks my heart.
We both have been attached to the hip all weekend long. Such lovely tender moments were shared. As I was putting him in the car seat and explaining to him that I will see him in 3 days, he just grabbed me and would have given me about 30 kisses. I then gave him as many and told him to “Keep them safe”. He replied saying ” I will keep it safe Amma , I will open my cheek take one kiss and then close it and keep it safe”. How can a girl not melt into tears??
Ajit & I discuss about the baby with Avy all the time and he is so excited to have a baby brother. His nickname for the baby is Amik and he uses it all the time. Every time he says the most affectionate things and I get a gripping fear in my heart that he should be able to see his brother, we should be able to get him home and that statistics of 50% survival rate keeps me up at night.
Avy has been asking for a bunk bed ever since I got pregnant and we have been telling him that when baby Amik is 2 years old we can. This weekend as I was putting Avy down for a nap he says , “If Amik wakes up in the middle of the night and is scared, I will tell him from the top bed – Don’t be scared Amik, Avy is here”.
As you all can see why I have been an emotional mess. This week is being very hard. I know he has stayed in long enough and he needs to come out. As Ajit says only if he comes out they can fix him. I am so scared of what is going to happen and the journey it is going to take us on.
Just 3 full days before I get admitted at 12 noon on Friday. Please send strength vibes to my little fighter!!!!