Surgery is tomorrow, first thing in the morning. We have been asked to come around 6.00am so that we can have some time before he goes down for surgery. I am nervous beyond words. It is a major surgery.
We met with the neonatologist and they emphasized the fact that he will get a lot worse before he gets better.It takes me to the first day when he was born and how unstable he was. Everything he has just weaned himself from the entire last week will most likely be back- the oscillator, the medicines…everything and he has to wean himself AGAIN.
To complicate the process he will be on pain killers and eventually be weaned off that. Withdrawals on a infant will be heart breaking to watch. On the 18th just as soon as they told me I was ready to push him out I started crying and told Ajit I did not want to push him out, as he was safe inside him. It was an moment of anxiety and pure terror. I feel the same way now. I keep telling myself that for him to get better he needs to be fixed surgically and it is what is necessary.
He is being operated by one of the top notch surgeons, the chief of pediatric surgery at UVA himself, Dr. Rodgers. We have heard a lot about him and how good he is. We have been assured that he is in the best hands possible. Still the journey after that is daunting to think about. We are talking about at least 4-5 weeks of NICU stay after the surgery when he learns to breathe and eat on his own. I am learning to tell myself to slow down and take it one day at a time.
Surgery will be anywhere between 2-4 hours based on what they find. I will try and update as soon I can at least to say surgery went well. I hope I can get some sleep tonight.
I also did visit him this morning, he was sleeping peacefully, so I did not hold him. If I need to hold him it is a huge process that takes 10 minutes to move his tube, his breathing support etc, and I really did not want to disturb him. We did soak up all the mommy and me time yesterday. Also he did have 2 poop diapers- yayy, something is working right. I got to see his cute butt when they changed him. We also did footprints for this crib , though he really was mad after that 🙂
I do hope tomorrow goes well and he can bear the surgery and do well after that. There is nothing that can make me less anxious today. I just hope he can surprise us all, the little fighter!!!