Day 10- Anxious and nervous!!

Surgery is tomorrow, first thing in the morning. We have been asked to come around 6.00am so that we can have some time before he goes down for surgery. I am nervous beyond words. It is a major surgery.

We met with the neonatologist and they emphasized the fact that he will get a lot worse before he gets better.It takes me to the first day when he was born and how unstable he was. Everything he has just weaned himself from the entire last week will most likely be back- the oscillator, the medicines…everything and he has to wean himself AGAIN.

To complicate the process he will be on pain killers and eventually be weaned off that. Withdrawals on a infant will be heart breaking to watch. On the 18th just as soon as they told me I was ready to push him out I started crying and told Ajit I did not want to push him out, as he was safe inside him. It was an moment of anxiety and pure terror. I feel the same way now. I keep telling myself that for him to get better he needs to be fixed surgically and it is what is necessary.

He is being operated by one of the top notch surgeons, the chief of pediatric surgery at UVA himself, Dr. Rodgers. We have heard a lot about him and how good he is. We have been assured that he is in the best hands possible. Still the journey after that is daunting to think about. We are talking about at least 4-5 weeks of NICU stay after the surgery when he learns to breathe and eat on his own. I am learning to tell myself to slow down and take it one day at a time.

Surgery will be anywhere between 2-4 hours based on what they find. I will try and update as soon I can at least to say surgery went well. I hope I can get some sleep tonight.

I also did visit him this morning, he was sleeping peacefully, so I did not hold him. If I need to hold him it is a huge process that takes 10 minutes to move his tube, his breathing support etc, and I really did not want to disturb him. We did soak up all the mommy and me time yesterday. Also he did have 2 poop diapers- yayy, something is working right. I got to see his cute butt when they changed him. We also did footprints for this crib , though he really was mad after that 🙂

I do hope tomorrow goes well and he can bear the surgery and do well after that. There is nothing that can make me less anxious today. I just hope he can surprise us all, the little fighter!!!


12 comments on “Day 10- Anxious and nervous!!

  1. He has been a great fighter so far, and we are all praying for him to keep continuing. Keep giving him your strength. He will be ok after the surgery. He is in good hands and leave the rest to them. Little A is learning a lot in life already to survive. He is surrounded by people who love him so much and he will keep fighting. We are all praying and hoping for the best!!

  2. We are friends of Ajit from UC and we just happened to read your blog. Your little guy is such a fighter indeed! You guys are in our prayers. Sending across a tons of good wishes and prayers for the LO for the surgery and later!! Take care.

  3. Best wishes for you, and Atiksh. Sending positive vibes to you everyday. Amma wants me to say she is also sending Reiki to you and the baby. Take care. we hope all goes well. I am sure I will read another blog from you in a few months that sounds like a normal baby’s everyday progress. But still, bestest wishes for tomorrow and the week ahead! love, Ramya, Vijay, Taran and Max.

  4. We all pray that the surgery should go fine.. Atiksh will recover very soon. Be strong Anu..

  5. We will be praying for him too.


  6. Will be sending prayers, don’t worry! He can do this!

  7. Our prayers are with you all Anu.

  8. Atiksh is in my prayers Anu. Be strong for him.

  9. Good luck tomorrow Atiksh (and mom and dad!). Of course, I cannot say enough wonderful things about Dr. Rodgers. Baby Atiksh is definitely in wonderful hands. Hopefully they’ll give you updates during the surgery. I know it’s so stressful during the surgery, but that moment that you get the call that he’s out and did fine, you’ll get a huge sigh of relief. Hang in there!! I am always thinking of you guys, but I will thinking extra hard tomorrow and hope for a speedy recovery 🙂

  10. We are sending extra big prayers from Oregon for baby Atiksh! Stay strong little warrior!!

    Shelly Moore
    CHERUBS Oregon Co-Rep

  11. All the very best dearest darling Atiksh! Stay strong baby!

  12. All the best…

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