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Day 14- Stable on CPAP

No major events today. Just been a very busy day. We went to the hospital in the morning, Atiksh was awake but not happy. We have been waiting to hear him cry, we thought he would yesterday when they extubated him, but he did not. So today morning when they told me he has been crying on and off, I was excited. It is a good thing that he cries, gives his lung some exercise. However I was not prepared for how I would feel.

The first time I heard him cry it was emotional, I was soo glad that he has reached his stage and can now cry. However, I could not console him, I can only touch his hands and feet and it completely broke my heart to pieces that he is wailing and I cannot do much to help him. Finally I figured that letting him hold my finger and tapping his butt made him calm down and I did it most of the time I was sitting with him.

Daddy brought work and got some done at his bedside and it was nice. They have dropped his sedation just enough so that he has waking moments and is still in not lot of pain. He also got a newer CPAP machine and they went up on settings from 6 to a 7. I was bummed by that, but he appears so much more comfortable at that setting. he was straining to breathe at 6 and they did not want him to tire himself out before Tuesday’s surgery.I told myself, he has come so far and he needs baby steps from now on.

I forgot to write about one thing yesterday. He has this grey elephant that has been sitting with him since Day 1 and yesterday when we walked in , it was missing. I asked the nurse and she said that she had not seen it. I was so so so sad. I don’t know why it upset me so much it just did. It is funny that when you are in so much stress, there are small things that help you hold it together and for me it was that elephant, I feel that as long as he is with Atiksh, everything will be fine. So him went missing just pushed me off my limits and I was so sad the whole day. When we went back in the evening I took it upon myself to search all his cubbies and I found him- the sweet little elephant and everything was right in the world again. I returned him to his usual spot, next to my baby. Funny how the mind finds solace in these small things.

We took Avy for haircut this afternoon and he is sporting a whole new, cool cut :). Then we went back to the hospital just couple of hours ago and Atiksh was wide awake and comfortable. We talked with him for a while, and Ajit sang and he fell asleep. It was beautiful. We left silently. As I type this, both my boys are asleep. So let me go join them. Good night!!

The lovely elephant!!!



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