Day 17- Tired

Today was a long day. Atiksh has a very bad night last night. He apparently was in full blown withdrawal- tremors and crying. They gave him boluses (one single dose) of medications to help calm him down. When we went in the morning we saw that his versed was back on and he was very unhappy. He was crying and had constant tremors and was just too painful to watch. Ajit and I tried to hold him down by holding his hands and feet which seemed to calm him a bit. The nurse mentioned that we were able to do something she was not.

The morning rounds mainly concentrated around his pain management. The nurse mentioned that he seems calmer off the CPAP- she removed the CPAP during rounds to show and he was breathing on his own for about 15 minutes and very contended. However his X-ray showed that he really needed the CPAP to open up the airways. So they put the CPAP back on and he got very cranky and I just could not control my tears. He was in pain and it just drains everything from you just watching it.

Finally they said to ask the surgery team if I can hold him, and see if the mom’s touch can calm him down. To my surprise surgery okay-ed it and they bundled him up and laid him on my hands and he calmed down instantly. His heart rate came down and he seemed to be in peace. Power of touch is sooooo much, I felt minutely better as I was able to do something. I held him for more than an hour and he drifted into deep sleep and then we put him back on his station to come home for some lunch and rest, hoping he did better in the afternoon.

I went back at 4pm and he was a bit cranky. I saw they had gone up on both of his pain meds- so much for trying to wean him- now he is on more drugs. However the goal is to let him rest before tomorrow’s surgery. I again held him for over 2 hours as that surely calms in down. His tremors seemed to have reduced since they went up on his meds.

Now Ajit has gone to do the night shift and hopefully he can hold him for some hours and keep him calm.Tomorrow is again going to be a long day for us.

We are totally drained today, mentally and physically!


3 comments on “Day 17- Tired

  1. Anu,
    This post brought me to tears:(….after seeing Atiksh’s beautiful eyes yday…this was definitely a shock and I cannot imagine the strength you and Ajit have shown… The power ofmom’s touch is indeed magical….keep giving him the comfort whenever u can so that he forgets his pains and gets stronger to go home with his mom…prayers for Atiksh and his strong mom….

  2. I can’t control my tears thinking how much all of you ate going through. It feels so helpless. But you both keep doing what you are doing. This will all be gone soon and he will be in your arms.
    Big hugs to all of you. Prayers for surgery to go well today.

  3. I’m so sorry yesterday was a tougher day. I hope the surgery goes as planned and smoothly today. I hope they can come to some sort of concensus on how to manage his pain/discomfort better. I’m glad they are letting you hold him some. Don’t let them push him too hard 🙂 Hoping for a good report today.

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