Wow it has nearly been two months since I updated anything. Time sure does fly when you learn to manage the new lifestyle life has thrown at you.
Let me rewind and try to do a recap by months-
November: The last time I wrote I did write about the Synagis vaccine. Turns out that if your doctor calls the medical doctor on the team that approves the vaccine it will get approved. Well it was much easier said than done. I spent two whole days trying to track this number down, no one would give it to me. Finally we did it. Atiksh’s doctors were so nice and so co-operative that we got 5 shots approved. Now it was supposed to be 1,600 a pop for 5 months and I thought well if insurance does not pay, maybe we will pay out of pocket. Wells turns out he needs double the dose, about 3k a month-Thank God insurance approved. Even with this we pay 20% and it is about 600 a month. Then my in-laws went to Boston for about 2 weeks- it was my test period.
I had also started work from home. Learning to manage household and balancing work was a bit hard. I missed going to work quite a bit.
November also was the month Atiksh fell sick for the first time. He caught this nasty cold, just before my in-laws left to Boston and he lost his voice. We have a very low threshold on when to take him to the doctor. I was scared out of my mind, started having visions of him in the hospital…but we survived. It was a nasty cold and ear infection. A round of antibiotics and he was back on track. I also realized that I am never going to feel safe with him and it will take a while.
December: Atiksh turned 4 months, he rolled over from tummy to back couple of times. It also marked 1 year since I first learnt I was pregnant. Santa came and brought a truckload of gifts for the boys, especially for the adorable big brother who has been such a good boy and we all enjoyed quite time at home. Here is the picture proof…
In short, 2012 was quite a year. In all fairness I would say I spent more than half the year very happy. However April-September were the most grueling months I have ever faced. 2012 made me very, very strong but it has also made me very, very weak. I now have a fear in me that we all are mortal and I need to enjoy every single day of my life and worrying helps no one. 2012 also made me realize the power of good people, people rooting for you and that nice people do exist. I have learnt the sheer miracles that the medical profession can perform, and I have one sleeping on me while I type this. No one should ever have to go through a pregnancy not knowing if their baby is going to make it, no one should give birth and wait on pins and needles for 48 hours not knowing if their baby is going to make it and yet that is what this year threw at us…we made it …whole. I still have nightmares…and every night as I go to bed with Atiksh next to me I think of all those nights he spent alone…away from us and I shed a tear. It reminds me of what Avy asked us when we told him Atiksh was not coming home the same day as me “But a baby should sleep next to mommy”…I wake up dreaming he is back in the NICU…and I am really hoping that all this would stop on 2013.
Here to a peaceful and healthy 2013 …less nightmares and more peaceful nights!!!!